Martin Andelman, ML-Implode
Last Thursday, I woke up extra early to hear Jamie Dimon of JPMorgan Chase lie through his teeth about his mega-bank’s quarterly earnings. Analysts were expecting a lie of around 70 cents a share, but Mr. Dimon exceeded all expectations for lying, reporting earnings of $1.09 a share. Now, to be fair, some of that was made up of one-time items, and some of it was just plain made up. But even so, taking away the one-time events, JPMorgan Chase would have reported earnings of 87 cents a share. Fabulous, isn’t he? And handsome too.
To be entirely honest about the whole thing, it made me queasy for half an hour or so, and I had to get up and walk around. I didn’t need a part time job last week, I had more than enough on my plate as it was. And here was Dimon telling me I would soon have to spend a good six hours trying to figure out how to separate the wheat from the bank’s chaff.
I know what you’re thinking… “Oh, goodie… an accounting article… I just love these.” Yeah, well don’t worry, their not exactly my favorite kind to write either, but this one’s important.
JPMorgan Chase’s earnings report was all sunshine and flowers, the bank reported a drop in net revenue of 8%, which was in line with what Wall Street was expecting. But the bank’s investment banking and fixed income securities trading, both fell in Q2, as compared with Q1. So, where did all that money come from that allowed JPMorgan Chase to report such astonishing quarterly results?
It’s really quite simple… Dimon took $1.5 billion out of the bank’s account that’s labeled “reserves for future losses,” which is obviously supposed to be there in anticipation of future losses on bad loans, and called it “profits,” by taking it to the bottom line. Nice, huh? Losses… hmmm… now why on earth would anyone worry about losses at JPMorgan Chase at a time like this?
Actually, the whole thing was confusing because Dimon also cautioned analysts that the bank’s “losses from bad loans remain elevated.”
But, I suppose as long as Geithner doesn’t make the mega-bank write down any losses in the future, everything will work out just fine and dandy. What, me worry? No chance of that. Besides, I don’t know why anyone would have a hard time believing anything a bank said these days. I mean, these guys wouldn’t lie, right? Flourish the thought.
Read more here: http://mandelman.ml-implode.com/2010/07/jpmorgan-chase-blows-away-analysts’-estimates-lies-beyond-expectations/
